This will be the last "Whoa is me" posting to this blog. Now I am NOT stopping Blogging, just the negative self talk I see in it isnt helping my Recovery.
Today, I am pleading out No Contest in the halls of Justice so that I can avoid my egos need to fight, and perhaps to put some of the damage behind me.
This last bout of drinking has created circumstances in which, I have no control over, and I need help.
I have been severely depressed now for many years, even years before I picked up my first drink. Drinking has been but a symptom.
I am homeless these days, sleeping part time at a friends house and when warranted I sleep in my truck. I lost my job, last week, due in part because of my inconsistency and the fact that I have no place to make meals, put my clothes, or function properly. The distress it causes my body is gross.
I cant rent a room,cuz I have no job, and I cant look for a job, because I have no proper address. Its a catch 22.
After today, I plan on taking whatever Judgement is passed onto me, for it is my responsibility. The Big Book of AA, says all of this in so many words. It equals, at the end of the day, Freedom.
As for the past month, I have been in two treatment centers, both of which I have signed myself out of early so that I might appease my EGO. My EGO continues to fake me out with a shroud of FEAR. What will become of me if I get the real help I need?
This is all the same crap I have been doing for over 2 decades. The res no surprise here.
Silver Lining? Sure, I can stop fighting. I can start living. I can also help someone else see that they themselves do not need to ride this merry go round nightmare.
So, Heres to HOPE............Its a New Day
Today, I am pleading out No Contest in the halls of Justice so that I can avoid my egos need to fight, and perhaps to put some of the damage behind me.
This last bout of drinking has created circumstances in which, I have no control over, and I need help.
I have been severely depressed now for many years, even years before I picked up my first drink. Drinking has been but a symptom.
I am homeless these days, sleeping part time at a friends house and when warranted I sleep in my truck. I lost my job, last week, due in part because of my inconsistency and the fact that I have no place to make meals, put my clothes, or function properly. The distress it causes my body is gross.
I cant rent a room,cuz I have no job, and I cant look for a job, because I have no proper address. Its a catch 22.
After today, I plan on taking whatever Judgement is passed onto me, for it is my responsibility. The Big Book of AA, says all of this in so many words. It equals, at the end of the day, Freedom.
As for the past month, I have been in two treatment centers, both of which I have signed myself out of early so that I might appease my EGO. My EGO continues to fake me out with a shroud of FEAR. What will become of me if I get the real help I need?
This is all the same crap I have been doing for over 2 decades. The res no surprise here.
Silver Lining? Sure, I can stop fighting. I can start living. I can also help someone else see that they themselves do not need to ride this merry go round nightmare.
So, Heres to HOPE............Its a New Day
