It has been quite a year....On December 3 2010, I made a decision that has changed my days. It has changed me. It has changed others that I toouch, and those who touch me. In affect it has changed the world.
Its funny to me how we sometimes imagine such things, like, what if Abraham Lincoln hadnt been shot? Or what if Tesla hadnt figured out how to finish that last critical piece of mechanical wisdom we all now take for granted, and know as Electricity? Now obviously these examples are far more significant than my putting the bottle away......But is it really any different?
I like to think, these days, that each step everyone of us makes, good or bad, glad or sad, for more or for less, connects us to the divine. In a tiny way I am part of all the reality all around.
In all honesty, there are days when I think, I am the pinnacle of such things....HAHAHAHAHA, such delusion. Indeed, it is fun to fantasize.
I have come to understand in a very profound way that each move I make today, this moment, even witing this, will affect change in some way or another, beginning, with these thoughts, pushed out, effortlessly,over a small wire, into the air, then into Your Eyes.....from there, I couldnt possibly predict what happens in between those eyes.....that will all be revealed one day...... The point being, is CONNECTION to the world, instead of my certain sickly way of thinking, that was created and nurtured by my dear friend Alcohol.
I am PART of everything, rather than a singledout, silent observer of great things, bad things, happening to others.
I have in this past year created a vastly common, normal living. I work, I pay for things, I try new stuff, I cringe at the thought of finishing certain things, I crave,desire, cry, eat, watch, standby,listen, and pray. I act out. I want nothing more than to go backwards....to shrink. This is normal, as far as I am concerened. What is the purpose, the message I am to carry forward, that I have not come to fully understand? I feel an urgency in my heart....Sure I can let my heart out.....But let something into it? Instant fear takes hold. If Abraham Lincoln was afraid, couldnt express his love for Country, what might have been? What if he was afraid to absorb the sights, the people, the Love that fueled his desire to lead.....Then what would be today?
There is a calling I have, but I cannot fully comprehend its message. For the most part I am to share my story.....Thats fine, I think I am fairly talented with words to do so. I am such an action oriented person, and I see lots of ways people help others, and I have this paining annoyance that whatever I do, has to be so unique, so huge, so unbeleivably powerful, the world will stop and be in utter awe.
This is clearly my blockage. The lack of true humbleness still allows for a disease called EGO that blocks any if not all from entering my heart....
My mind is plenty open, and mostly filled with soldiers of Judgement, a thought comes in, the Soldiers beat it to a pulp, and is cast aside. Analyzing, relating events to adversely allow for negative flow, much like a conducter of pre mentioned electricity. How does one go from Direct Current to Alternate Current in such a short time? Negativity for myself, is simply a safe "known" place. It a way of defending myself, so that I do not have to make choices, God Forbid, I make a mistake.....Its me closing door after door after door. It is selfish.
Back to my heart....It is a fortress protected by filth, shame, guilt, sense of fear, and a feeling of undeserved attention. That from which I can effortlessly write, out is easy. A coating so thick, so hardened by years of hearing the same old story....and soaking myself in these old ideas, because, its what I know.
This blog is an outward way of telling a New Story. It may touch you in the heart, It comes from mine. One example I can list that DOES touch me are as follows, Nature, for I love the outdoors, but I can shelter myself from it, at least for a while.....even though outside the Bee will continue to pollinate and make love to Flowers ever replenishing this planet....It makes me bawl.....Its a sight so breath taking, and HUGE. A tiny BEE. Meanwhile, I will sit.
I am changing....I am becoming,more and more, everyday PART OF.
Abraham Lincoln and BEES? WHAAAAAAAT?
Its funny to me how we sometimes imagine such things, like, what if Abraham Lincoln hadnt been shot? Or what if Tesla hadnt figured out how to finish that last critical piece of mechanical wisdom we all now take for granted, and know as Electricity? Now obviously these examples are far more significant than my putting the bottle away......But is it really any different?
I like to think, these days, that each step everyone of us makes, good or bad, glad or sad, for more or for less, connects us to the divine. In a tiny way I am part of all the reality all around.
In all honesty, there are days when I think, I am the pinnacle of such things....HAHAHAHAHA, such delusion. Indeed, it is fun to fantasize.
I have come to understand in a very profound way that each move I make today, this moment, even witing this, will affect change in some way or another, beginning, with these thoughts, pushed out, effortlessly,over a small wire, into the air, then into Your Eyes.....from there, I couldnt possibly predict what happens in between those eyes.....that will all be revealed one day...... The point being, is CONNECTION to the world, instead of my certain sickly way of thinking, that was created and nurtured by my dear friend Alcohol.
I am PART of everything, rather than a singledout, silent observer of great things, bad things, happening to others.
I have in this past year created a vastly common, normal living. I work, I pay for things, I try new stuff, I cringe at the thought of finishing certain things, I crave,desire, cry, eat, watch, standby,listen, and pray. I act out. I want nothing more than to go backwards....to shrink. This is normal, as far as I am concerened. What is the purpose, the message I am to carry forward, that I have not come to fully understand? I feel an urgency in my heart....Sure I can let my heart out.....But let something into it? Instant fear takes hold. If Abraham Lincoln was afraid, couldnt express his love for Country, what might have been? What if he was afraid to absorb the sights, the people, the Love that fueled his desire to lead.....Then what would be today?
There is a calling I have, but I cannot fully comprehend its message. For the most part I am to share my story.....Thats fine, I think I am fairly talented with words to do so. I am such an action oriented person, and I see lots of ways people help others, and I have this paining annoyance that whatever I do, has to be so unique, so huge, so unbeleivably powerful, the world will stop and be in utter awe.
This is clearly my blockage. The lack of true humbleness still allows for a disease called EGO that blocks any if not all from entering my heart....
My mind is plenty open, and mostly filled with soldiers of Judgement, a thought comes in, the Soldiers beat it to a pulp, and is cast aside. Analyzing, relating events to adversely allow for negative flow, much like a conducter of pre mentioned electricity. How does one go from Direct Current to Alternate Current in such a short time? Negativity for myself, is simply a safe "known" place. It a way of defending myself, so that I do not have to make choices, God Forbid, I make a mistake.....Its me closing door after door after door. It is selfish.
Back to my heart....It is a fortress protected by filth, shame, guilt, sense of fear, and a feeling of undeserved attention. That from which I can effortlessly write, out is easy. A coating so thick, so hardened by years of hearing the same old story....and soaking myself in these old ideas, because, its what I know.
This blog is an outward way of telling a New Story. It may touch you in the heart, It comes from mine. One example I can list that DOES touch me are as follows, Nature, for I love the outdoors, but I can shelter myself from it, at least for a while.....even though outside the Bee will continue to pollinate and make love to Flowers ever replenishing this planet....It makes me bawl.....Its a sight so breath taking, and HUGE. A tiny BEE. Meanwhile, I will sit.
I am changing....I am becoming,more and more, everyday PART OF.
Abraham Lincoln and BEES? WHAAAAAAAT?
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